Two weeks ago my friends Chelsea, Angela, and I moved into a 3-bedroom little house! It has been sooo nice to come home everyday to a house rather than an apartment. The Lord sure worked it out smoothly ... and we are super thankful for what we have. Pictures to come when we get everything settled. :)
Then, last weekend, my sister had surgery. Major surgery. I was really nervous about it - and I let my anxiety take over my whole life. I was not acting like myself for basically the whole month of March. I was extremely easily irritated. I was not sleeping much. I was so, so worried. And none of that helped her surgery go smoothly; although, praise the Lord, her surgery went amazingly well! She's off of work for 3-4 weeks, but I am amazed at how well she is doing even a week after. SO amazed. God has been soooooo kind and gracious and merciful in letting her surgery go so well. I only pray that she will have the endurance and strength to do what she needs to do in order to keep progressing.
Not to mention my mom had pneumonia, I had a crappy cold - PLUS SCHOOL. And work. Yes, it's been crazy. And I wasted a lot of energy worrying, worrying, worrying. I feel like, after all that God has taught me about worry, I should be better at NOT doing it - but I responded terribly to these trials and difficulties. Time with Him was the first thing to go - even though He is what I need most. Do you ever feel like you just fail God miserably? Like when things are going well, you think, "Lord, no matter what happens, I know I will find joy and peace in You." And then something bad does happen (or could happen), and you are more insecure, scared, and immature than you thought possible. Usually during trials, I do learn to cling more tightly to Christ -- but, for some reason, this time I felt so much more numb inside. I was still praying and begging Him to have mercy on us, especially with my sister's surgery. But I was just so out of it. I felt so lost and out-of-whack.
But I continue to find great hope in the fact that my salvation does not depend on my attitude. My salvation depends on GOD. My heart belongs to Him; the Holy Spirit is my guarantee of what is to come, the down payment. Praise God that He is greater than my sin! Praise God that He loves me even when I am so unlovable. Praise God that He knows me - my heart, my mind, my soul - and knows what I need to get through all things. I praise Him for his constant presence and care. When I am in the deepest pit, I am never beyond His reach. He holds onto me; He sustains me. GLORY TO GOD FOR HIS INCOMPREHENSIBLE LOVE!
I have still been in a bit of a funk since Ashley's surgery, but after being home with family this weekend for Easter, I am feeling a lot better - a lot more like myself. Praise God for that, too. I hope that normalcy sets back in as I go back to P-town and spend time with my roomies again. And as I finish up the final month of the spring semester (so much to get done!).
In addition to all of my responsibilities with school (plus time spent at work), I want to start gardening. My mom, sister, and I discussed several different types of veggies I could try as a newbie gardener. I'm very excited to grow some of my own food! I'm hoping to start a few (or all) of the following: tomatoes, cucumbers, spinach, carrots, peas, green beans, potatoes...
May you know the Lord's presence and delight in you today.
Praise the LORD.
I will extol the LORD with all my heart
in the council of the upright and in the assembly.
Great are the works of the LORD;
they are pondered by all who delight in them.
Glorious and majestic are his deeds,
and his righteousness endures forever.
He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
the LORD is gracious and compassionate.
He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever.
He has shown his people the power of his works,
giving them the lands of other nations.
The works of his hands are faithful and just;
all his precepts are trustworthy.
They are established for ever and ever,
enacted in faithfulness and uprightness.
He provided redemption for his people;
he ordained his covenant forever—
holy and awesome is his name.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom;
all who follow his precepts have good understanding.
To him belongs eternal praise.